Raise your hand if the only thing you asked for this Mother's Day was a sleep in..
As easily as words come to me for topics to discuss, knowing what to write this Mother’s Day has been challenging. Not for a lack of content, cos boy, I got some stories to tell but mainly because I think in our current climate.. it’s important to read the room.
And right now the room is full of mumma’s and women littered on the floor staring blankly up at the ceiling trying to think of why they chose this life and whether they can find joy in amongst all of this chaos.
Whilst Covid presented us with many moments of presence with our kids, for every moment it gave to others it took from ourselves. And so, where in these past 3 years have there been enough moments for mums to have, that allow themselves space to breathe, to stop and to come back to themselves. Yes some of us may be good at hustling for a 1 hour massage in a crack of time after workand before kid pick up, but even if we are.. it still hasn’t stopped the unrelenting demand on our time and expectation on our performance. If we aren’t on, then the whole eco system of our households collapse. One stressed human in a family is enough, let alone the whole mob.
But I didn’t get up here to write about the black abyss of jobs and things to be done that we have unwillingly tripped into, I instead want to write about something we don’t hear about too much at the moment.. hope.
Whether like mine, your therapist thinks you should exchange the word hope for expectation, I would like to think that that little flicker of a flame in the core of our own inner world is still keeping alight, regardless if the world is blasting a fire extinguisher at it. Because, goddamn. If it’s not our own selves fanning that little bugger alive- what the hell is!
So hope, to a mum/guardian/carer/feminine role model to our young ones.. what does it mean? It means we have to come home to ourselves.
To find in the rarest of moments or in the quickest of flashes, opportunities to remind ourselves of what we as women are capable of offering this world.. what is it that our little babies/grown babies/all humans need right now? They need some goddamn love and kindness. They need to feel seen, to be heard and for someone to acknowledge their existence. But we cannot fill a cup from an empty well, so I ask of you.. what can you do for yourself for you to feel seen, to be heard and to feel acknowledged? I know right now, for me it ain’t going to come from anyone but me. Great if I can take small little wins of a cute comment from my daughter, a rare fleeting cuddle son, a back rub from my husband or a call from a girlfriend BUT that simply isn’t enough to fan my flicker of hope.
This mumma has to tap into a new system. The one I haven’t used before and didn’t know existed.. the one I REALLY have to nurture. And so, recently I have tapped in. And guess what happened? I fell apart. Quite literally, when I eventually said stop to the pressure of my schedule and responsibilities that I have carried for so many years since being a mumma, my adrenals finally had enough air to breathe that my body went to shit.
This past month or two I have been sick with viruses, aches, pains and as I said to Ben my husband, if I was a famous person this is the time I would have been hospitalised for exhaustion ( I actually fantasise about being told to rest in bed for a week or two with nothing to do but close my eyes).
I haven’t seen this as a negative though. Yes, an inconvenience as it has forced my hand to genuinely stop. I’ve relied on staff to step up, customers to be understanding, my husband to been even more amazing and my kids to be ok with Mum not being so fun.. and don’t get me started on how gross the house is. Far out I feel like I’m living in a trash can however, I have to let it be until I feel energised enough to make it a priority (again, if I were rich it would be the housekeepers issue not mine haha).
It’s time to come back to me. To stop. To breathe. To rest this exhausted lil body. It’s no good seeing a naturopath if I don’t create space to do the work. It’s not enough to see my therapist, but not meditate.
So this is where I am at. Essentially, lets say this Mother’s Day the gift to myself is pressing stop, resetting and rebooting. I am still in the reset phase and am listening to what I need right now to nurture this place. I’m very excited to reboot, I will be coming back into my private life, my business life and all my life with a new way of being. I want boundaries, I want to protect myself and I cant wait to figure out what that means.
The hope right now is flickering, but as I step out of resetting and into the new way of being. I am ready to live my life in a way that protects me first, to ensure I am sustainable to my family, my business and the things that mean so much to me.
So, lets come back to you.. this Mother’s Day my only hope for you is for your motor to turn off for a while, to add some oil into the engine or maybe its time to upgrade to electric.
Its not enough in this life to exist, we are here to live and as I am learning, some of the greatest moments lived for me are learning ways to do the things that bring me greatest joy but in a sustainable and healthy manner.
Happy Mother’s Day to you. Thank you for caring as much as you do. Thank you for wanting to impact those around you and your greater community in a positive way. Thank you for just showing up, every single day.
It might not feel like it, but Mothers and what they show the world will create the much needed change it needs. We must always come back to love, kindness and compassion, even when we are told anger & hate should come first. It is the gifts of being a woman that will save this planet and we must persist to ignite this little hope flame into one big ass love fire.
I hope to walk past you in the street this Mother’s Day, so I can look up from my kids doing something silly, to catch your eye and give you a smile, to remind both of us that there is a knowing with mums that we only know. That someone else understands what we are going through and we aren’t so lonely after all.. that in fact, we are strongly united and ready to do some amazing things.
Love Hilary x